Friday, December 11, 2009

I haven't updated in forever; sorry.
Thanksgiving was fun. I think I may have eaten a bit too much, but it wasn't a total failure.
I binged once since I last updated, but I've been mostly fasting. I'm sorry that I don't have a lot to say, but I'm tired.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Thursday is Thanksgiving, and Friday is the day I hate myself.
Oh, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. All of the's TEEMING with binge-potential. The comfort of the food get's the best of even the most strong willed people. I hope we can all remember our goal through the holidays. Remember, remember! You don't NEED the food. It only makes you fat. Right now, in front of me, I have a big bowl of pecans and I going to eat them? NO. I swear to god, I won't even it one. Tomorrow...well...I'm not going to kid myself and say that I won't lose control. I WILL TRY AS HARD AS I CAN. I swear to god. I'm planning on staying up almost all night tonight, so my want to sleep will be more powerful than my want to eat. I hope I can resist the urge to binge. I'm getting better....I had two girlfriends over the other night, and guess what my mom ordered for us?
And guess how many pieces I ate?
Okay...admittedly, that is still way to much. But, It is SO much better than six. And all I had that day was one 100 cal bowl of grits and an apple, so my daily calorie count wasn't TOO high.
Okay. You guys, stay strong. I'll see you out on the other side of tomorrow.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I lost another lb! I weighed myself at the scientific scale at the H-E-B. It's more acurate than my scale. I woke up hungry today...I love waking up hungry. It means I didn't overeat the night before. I almost binged last night, but I stopped it by drinking diet dr. pepper. :D I did eat a muffin and a couple of handfuls of dry cereal, though. And that is too much.
This morning, my moms friend made breakfast. She gave me this big plate of potatoes, cheesy scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. I ate a couple of bites of eggs, a bite of toast, and a tiny bite of potatos, because she was sitting in front of me, watching me. I think they are getting a little suspicious of my eating. Anyway, I guess my eating assuaged her because she went to the other room to get her own plate. I used this opportunity to slip my potatos into my napkin, hide that in the couch cushions, and slip all of the bacon to my dog (that thing saves my freaking life), and slip the rest of the toast under my plate. I spread out some of I had a napkin in my lap, so I could fold it up and throw it out. I was going to eat the rest of the eggs, figuring that eggs were healthy, but then I remember that there was cheese in it, so I slipped most of it too my dog. I had to wait for her to go upstairs before I could reach into the couch cushions. I looked at the potatoes in the napkin, to see all of the food I DIDN'T eat, and threw out the toast and potatos. Yay! I ate about 1/4 of a cup of eggs, and 1/4 cup of potatos, and a quarter of the toast.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I should be doing my school work.

Hey hey hey. Today was an okay day. My friend brought a couple of cups of Maruchan instant lunch today. To make them less suspicious, I accepted a cup. I only sipped about half of the container of broth and a couple of ramen noodles. When they turned their back, I dumped the contents into garbage bin. When somebody commented on how quickly I had apparently eaten my noodles, I giggled and said "Yeah, I love these things! Yum!" That should throw them off the ana trail for awhile. Anyway, I ate nothing but that and an apple, a half of a sandwich, and some diet Dr. Pepper today.
I don't usually drink soda, but I felt a binge coming on, and I have discovered that Diet Dr. Pepper really helps get rid of a urge to binge. I feel like I'm indulging, when I'm really not consuming any calories. Also, there's somehting about the carbonation of it that just makes me not want to eat...anyway, that's my tip of the day! Bye bye!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Ugh. I fucked up, again.
Today was my friends birthday, and what did she bring to school? Pizza. Of course.
I used to LOVE pizza. I would eat it whenever I was sad, or really happy, or whenever something good was happening. I ate it when my parents got divorced to comfort myself...that's how I ended up so fat.
Anyways, so now whenever I see it I just have all of these good feelings of happiness and comfort. And I was really stressed out today because of my ex and his fat girl friend, who I probably look like right now because I'm SUCH A FAILURE.
Shit, I may as well have just commited suicide, because that's whats gonna happen if I keep putting away food like this. I don't know what happened...every body else was eating pizza, and the smells and the warmth was getting to me and I was so cold, and the pizza was sooo warm. I felt empty, and I needed to fill that up. What I didn't realize is that once the pizza was gone, I was going to feel like total shit again, except even WORSE.
The first slice went down, and I was so happy I wanted to dance, and then the second dissapeared, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth. By that time, I was sure everybody was staring at me, and I felt terrible. (Secretly, I was sort of smug because they don't know that I'm EDNOS, they just think I have a super fast metabolism. Theyre prob all jealous.)
Anyways, I'm going to go wallow in self pity. Maybs tomorrow will be better and I'll be able to make up for my horrible binge...I think I'll have to go to the gym to make up for this one....erch. Its what my fat-ass deserves, anyways.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Heh. sorry I haven't updated in a mom said something to me about my eating (ugh) so I had to keep things on the down low for a while.
Back on Sunday, I had a bit of a binge. Ech. But I stopped it. I was so proud of myself...but really, the only reason why it was stopped is because my mom made me go to afternoon church. Thank God! Other than that, though, I'm doing pretty great. I've been eating less than 500 calories everyday. T-riffic! Sorry, there's not much to say this time.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Today was GREAT. Yesterday was okay...I guess. I had some candy, and that sucked, but thank god I didn't eat too much of it. I started feeling really really ill after a couple of minutes. :D And I didn't even do it on purpose! Yay! I guess I'm just not used to sugar so my body's like, allergic to it now or something. Today, I had my grits, and a couple of apples. I went on a walk, too. Not much to report today.
Oh, yeah, and I was a fairy for halloween! Hehe. It was so much fun. It was the cutest costume ever! My friend was a bumble bee, and she was SO CUTE. She's like 110 lbs, so of course it looked way better on her than it would ever look on me...but someday, right? She's my thinspo right now. Right!
Oh, yeah, and I'm down to 126, everybody! :D I'm so happeeeee!

Friday, October 30, 2009

My Heart Belongs to Ana

Hello my skinny minis!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I guess I haven't had much to say.
I found out yesterday that my ex hasn't even broken up with his current girlfriend yet. What the hell?! What am I, a side thing? Ugh! He is NOT worth my time OR my energy. I am dedicating myself to ana, full on, and putting boys on the side. You hear that? My heart belongs to ANA! And I know that she'll never leave me.
Fortunately, I couldn't eat after I heard this. I haven't eaten in a few days, xcept for the .5 apple I ate yesterday and today. Unfortunetly, tomorrow is you-know-what and my friend invited me over to her house. How am I going to hide my non-eating? Tips, any body?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Start of My Fast/Cleanse!

I'm staying home from school today...again. I was halfway through making my grits this morning, when I realized that it wouldn't truly be a fast unless I didn't let any solid food pass my lips. So threw out the dried grits and I used the water I was going to use to make coffee...unfortunately, I ran out of MY coffee, which has a natural vanilla flavor infused with it and only 5 calories, so I had to use my mothers coffee, which apparently has a natural shit flavor infused with it. I had to use creamer and splenda to make it taste alright...the creamer has 40 calories in it :C but the Splenda for Coffee that I use has 0 calories in it :D. So that brings my morning total up to 45 calories for breakfast.
Today, my uncle is taking all the furniture out of my house (which is really his house....) and so I have to take all the furniture from my old house and put it in this house. That'll be a nice change. And moving around will be a good way to burn some calories. In fact, I'm fairly sure that I already burned off the 45 calories I ate for breakfast.
Oh, yeah, got on the scale this morning and it read 128 lbs. still. I knew I wouldn't lose any because of my binge...maybe in a couple of days it'll read 127, or maybe even 126? Is that too much to ask for?

Monday, October 26, 2009

I'm super excited for my fast tomorrow. I ate 2 oz. of chicken and broccoli, just as I agreed, and I feel uncomfortably full. I felt I had to eat today, so that I could stabalize my metabolism some what. I'm so happy for my fast tomorrow...I can't wait for that floating feeling. I don't have to go to school tomorrow, because of my pink-eye, so it'll be pretty easy for me to fast without people noticing. I've got my sugar free gum and my crystal light all ready. I shouldn't even call it a "fast"...I should call it a cleanse. That sounds so much better.

Anne and Ana

Hi! Hehe...I have pink-eye today, so I didn't have to go to school and deal with my ex-boyfriend and his fat girlfriend. :D My mom's at work, so I have to house to myself. I did eat a bit today...I had grits with cinnamon this morning, and black coffee, plus for lunch, I had a salad with balsamic vinegar dressing. 100 cals+20 cals=100 cals for the dressing. 220 cals for the day...I think I'm going to have 2 oz. of grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner. I love broccoli so much :) It's so delicious and so low calorie. Don't worry about the eating, I'm going to fast tomorrow. I can still feel the disgusting effects from my binge the other day...ugh. I want to cry even thinking about it.
"Doctors know your mom and dad, but me and Mia, Anne and Ana, know how hard you tried. Can you see it our eyes?"

Sunday, October 25, 2009

You guys.
My ex boyfriend called me this morning and wants me back.
It's his own damned fault for leaving me. It's HIS FAULT. I'll bet he got sick and tired of getting trapped in his girls fat rolls.
I don't know what to do...I think I might still love him and want to be with him, but at the same time, I don't know if I could even be with him. I think I would feel fat all the time. Did I mention that he's really thin? Yeah. He is.
I don't know what to do...oh, yeah, and I fasted all day to day. Not a single calorie passed my lips, except for the gum...but that's only like 5 cals a strip, and I'm sure I burned that off because I went on a really long walk with my friend.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Okay, okay, sorry. I haven't updated in a while AGAIN. ugh...I should just give up. I haven't binged in so long, and I was doing so well...I feel like just giving up and in, and becoming fat.
But in reality, I know I could never do it. I could never eat normally and be fat.
So about yesterday. I went to the movies, and all of my friends were FORCING popcorn and candy on me...seriously! I had to eat it. And I couldn't bring myself to go to the bathroom to throw it up with so many people around. Once I got home, I went crazy...I don't know what happened. I figured, I already fucked it up, I may as well just eat! The whole time, I was completely disgusted myself and wanted to slit my wrists, but at the same time, I wanted to eat. Maybe I was trying to eat myself to death. I ate Smores poptarts, cereal, sausages, and toast. God, I am so disgusting... I won't be surprised if I don't gain 10 lbs. and start getting my period again. Not to be gross, but I actually had a normal bathroom experience if you know what I mean. Ugh...well, good news is, I made up for it by starving myself today. I'm just now starting to get that empty feeling back again, that's how bad my binge was. Oh yeah, and I just got fired from my job. I don't want to work at a FUCKING PORKER FACTORY like McDonalds, anyways! Please tell me this isn't real.
*I've noticed on my blog that the times mess, my blog says that I posted this at 5.51 pm. I fixxed it, tho.*
Oh, and there's a chick new to the blog world. Her screen name is Rachel Cullen and her blog name is Fattie McFatfat. I met her when I was in ISS a couple of weeks ago and noticed the red ribbon on her wrist and asked her about it.*

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Today was great.

Sorry I haven't updated in a couple of days. I've been busy with school and shit...
Today was pretty awesome. I ate like 1/4 of my grits for breakfast, but wasn't really in the mood for eating (when am I???), a couple of celery sticks with mustard (got the idea from "Wasted"...hehe, I love how a book that is supposed to make us not want to be ana only inspires us further to be ana...) for lunch, and I've been drinking crystal light iced tea all school, I felt so fucking good! I was gliding- no, floating- above every body else, feeling the fat and calories burn away along with the hunger in my stomach. It was great weather, too, so me and my friends sat outside and pointed out the shapes of the clouds at lunch, while I munched on my celery. It was so great. I feel so weak right now, though...I'm thinking that I'm going to eat a salad tomorrow for lunch, with dressing and all, considering my weight tahmarrow. I love salads, especially with home-made balsamic dressing. The way my mom makes it, it has like 200 calories in it for a couple of tablespoons, but I make it with less olive oil and other shit, so mine is about 100 cals. I know, I hate the calories in dressing, too, but I love it sooo much...Oh, also, I read Jo's blog update today and I, too, am considered EDNOS, not anorexic. However, they are pretty similar.


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Breakfast with my mother.

Heh, I love how quickly I got followers. I don't know...why do you guys even want to listen to me talk? Heh. Okay, so I haven't updated in awhile, and I'm so not in the mood right now. I had to go to breakfast this morning with my mother...son of a bitch. I ordered the veggie omellet (HTF to you spell it?) with egg whites, and only ate half of it. The coffee tasted like pot, which was actually sort of a win, because I haven't smoked in so long. I've been avoiding it because whenever I have a joint, I always get the munchies, and that means that I eat...anyways, I digress. I only ate half of the omlette (I think that's how it's spelled) and my mom didn't say anything...well, at least she's not suspicious.

Oh, and to Prozzy; you're so right. People will say absolutely anything to get us to eat. It's like, they're fat and they want to make us just as fat as them. It's like, why can't you just accept that I DON'T WANT TO EAT? A couple of weeks ago, at my mothers birthday dinner, she told me "Aw, come on, have some cake and a steak! It's my birthday!" while at the same time she's slogging down her fried chicken and shit. It's like, just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you can consume whatever you want. That's not an excuse, idiot.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Reverse thinspiration.

Okay, sorry, I know, two updates today! You guys should check out It's so reverse-thinspirational.

Grits, Not Oatmeal.

My muscles are STILL so freaking sore from my work out yesterday. I went to the 24 hour fitness place down my street (loves that place!) and worked my ass off...I saw the manager person looking at me funny after awhile, so I had to leave. I'm sure I worked off that cupcake and potato salad, though. So yeah. Oh, and all day today, I didn't eat a thing but my 100 calories of grits this morning. I know, I told you oatmeal the other day, but it's not oatmeal! It's grits. It's this Quakers stuff, and 1 packet of instant grits is 100 calories. I'm too lazy to measure out exactly 100 cals of oatmeal, I'm sorry! It's easier to just make grits. Anyways, I always add a shit-load of cinnamon to it to make it taste good. Oh crap- does cinnamon have calories?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Blegh...I have to work out.

Ugggh I'm feeling so fat right now. I didn't eat like 1,000 calories or anything but I definitely ate more than I had to.
Okay so, I told them that I'm a vegetarian, right? So they didn't make me eat any of the meat, but they had a whole bunch of other things. Like cupcakes and shit. My friend ate one and asked me if I wanted to eat one, and I was like "Noooo way." She looks at me weird and says, "What, are you anorexic or something?" I almost threw up. Why would she automatically say that unless she suspected it? Ugh...I do not want to get found out. So, to prove her wrong, I grabbed one and ate it. It was so was so sweet and thick, I almost choked on it. A couple of minutes later, when I was in the restroom, I tried to throw it up but I couldn't. There were so many people around, I was so paranoid they would hear the noises and then my friend would only get more suspicious. As soon as I left the bathroon, she shoved another cupcake into my hands. Are you serious?! Is she TRYING to make me fat?! I just said "Thanks!" and licked a little sickening icing off the top, then as soon as she turned her back, I threw it into the bushes. Whew.
Thankfully, once I ate a couple of table spoons of potato salad, she was assuaged. I just said that I was going out to dinner with my family later and didn't want to ruin it, and she didn't bother me any more. Whew!
Tomorrow, after school, I'm going to have to hit the gym to work of that cupcake and the potato salad. :\

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Columbus Day Weekend.

Yeah! Columbus day weekend! us ana's, Columbus day weekend is synonymous with WEIGHT GAIN. I was invited by my best friend to her family's barbecue...ugh. I know they're going to want me to eat some potato salad and shit. I told them I was a strict vegetarian (sp? lol), so they won't make me eat meat or anything like that...I'll have to figure out more ways to minimize my eating.
This girl is absolutely gorgeous. She's my thinspo of the day...I really want to look like her. Look at her pelvic bones! Ugh, I'm so jealous.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Dying to be Thin

So, today I ate a bowl of hot cereal for breakfast. I decided I should do that after reading the blog "dying to be thin" and she said something about having 100 calories of oatmeal for breakfast to help her metabolism. That girl has not updated her blog in forever....I hope she's okay. Did they find out about her fast and send her back to recovery? I don't know...I hope they don't make her super fat. I'm looking through thinspirational pics to give me inspiration not to eat today.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Dumb fat bitch.

Well, today was okay, fasting-wise. Other than that, though, my life is all fucked up. I just found out that my ex-boyfriend is dating some girl who is one of the fattest girls at the school. SERIOUSLY? I starved my ass off to be thin, and he dumps me for some heifer with no self control? Are you fucking kidding me? And that heifer came up to me in the hallway and accused me of flirting with her boyfriend. I was like, yeah, like I would ever flirt with a chubby chaser. Whatever, fat ass, go eat a cake or something.
I didn't actually say that but I thought it. lol. I'm surprised that her mouth was unoccupied long enough to get more than three words out. (Ew, that sounds so sexual. But yeah, she's a slut, too.)
Whatever. That guy had no idea what he had. I hope he gets smothered between his whores fat rolls.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

First post.

Okay, so, hi. This is my first post, and if you can't tell, I'm a pro-ana girl. I've been ana since I was fourteen years old but just decided to start blogging to help support other ana's!
I'm currently about 129 lbs. :( But I was 142 lbs not to long ago so that's a big improvement. I'm still fat, though, but not as fat as I was. I eat like 500 calories a day most days but sometimes even less than that.
I like reading, writing, and of course, counting calories. I work at a McDonalds (ironic, I know, right?) and I'm a junior in high school.'s time for me to catch my school bus lol.