Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hey everybody. I don't know my weight because I'm afraid of getting on the scale. :( but i can't fit in my fave pants. I bet my 'friends'are real happy now that im FAT and can hardly wear my clothes. I fuckin hate them...but i can't tell them that, becaus then they'll know that i'm back with Ana. I've been drinking nothing but diet green tea and eating nothing but veggies for the last week...i woke up this morning feeling a binge coming on...I'm worried. :( I hope i can stay strong!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

UGH i am so fat, but i'm back.

Ugh. i fucking hate my life. So, a couple of months ago my parents noticed i wasn't eating, and that i was getting really thin. He told my counselor at my school and they did this whole fucked up 'intervention' shit. I was like, fuck you guys. but my friends were all there and they were all 'we love you, please don't do this!" Whatever. i can see now that they were just jealous of how thin i was getting. I was nowhere near dying. i was still 115-117 lbs. Isn't that just how things are though, that all the people that 'love' you can't just let you be happy? Well anyways, back then i couldnt see that and i started crying because i actually thought they were worried about me. whateverrrrrrrrrr fuck that shit. so i start eating normally and i actually had like no problem with it, because i was 'healed' and i 'saw the light' and all that shit. well, a couple of days ago i stumbled across this saved in my 'bookmarks' and i started reading all the blogs- especially my ana idol, Jo! (congrats btw girl! i'm so happy for you!) who can still be with ana, even when she gains a little weight, and is still her friend- and i realized that i am so much happier being pro-ana instead of 'normal.' UGH. it makes me naschious (spelling? haha, lol) just thinking about how FAT i am! well fuck that. I am so much happier in my little ana sancuary with you guys. fuck the haters! i've started my ana again and i am so glad that i turned back to her! i love you, ana! I'll be on the blog more girls, don't worry!