Thursday is Thanksgiving, and Friday is the day I hate myself.
Oh, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. All of the food...it's TEEMING with binge-potential. The comfort of the food get's the best of even the most strong willed people. I hope we can all remember our goal through the holidays. Remember, remember! You don't NEED the food. It only makes you fat. Right now, in front of me, I have a big bowl of pecans and walnuts....am I going to eat them? NO. I swear to god, I won't even it one. Tomorrow...well...I'm not going to kid myself and say that I won't lose control. I WILL TRY AS HARD AS I CAN. I swear to god. I'm planning on staying up almost all night tonight, so my want to sleep will be more powerful than my want to eat. I hope I can resist the urge to binge. I'm getting better....I had two girlfriends over the other night, and guess what my mom ordered for us?
PIZZA!
And guess how many pieces I ate?
ONE!
Okay...admittedly, that is still way to much. But, It is SO much better than six. And all I had that day was one 100 cal bowl of grits and an apple, so my daily calorie count wasn't TOO high.
Okay. You guys, stay strong. I'll see you out on the other side of tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I lost another lb! I weighed myself at the scientific scale at the H-E-B. It's more acurate than my scale. I woke up hungry today...I love waking up hungry. It means I didn't overeat the night before. I almost binged last night, but I stopped it by drinking diet dr. pepper. :D I did eat a muffin and a couple of handfuls of dry cereal, though. And that is too much.
This morning, my moms friend made breakfast. She gave me this big plate of potatoes, cheesy scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. I ate a couple of bites of eggs, a bite of toast, and a tiny bite of potatos, because she was sitting in front of me, watching me. I think they are getting a little suspicious of my eating. Anyway, I guess my eating assuaged her because she went to the other room to get her own plate. I used this opportunity to slip my potatos into my napkin, hide that in the couch cushions, and slip all of the bacon to my dog (that thing saves my freaking life), and slip the rest of the toast under my plate. I spread out some of I had a napkin in my lap, so I could fold it up and throw it out. I was going to eat the rest of the eggs, figuring that eggs were healthy, but then I remember that there was cheese in it, so I slipped most of it too my dog. I had to wait for her to go upstairs before I could reach into the couch cushions. I looked at the potatoes in the napkin, to see all of the food I DIDN'T eat, and threw out the toast and potatos. Yay! I ate about 1/4 of a cup of eggs, and 1/4 cup of potatos, and a quarter of the toast.
This morning, my moms friend made breakfast. She gave me this big plate of potatoes, cheesy scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. I ate a couple of bites of eggs, a bite of toast, and a tiny bite of potatos, because she was sitting in front of me, watching me. I think they are getting a little suspicious of my eating. Anyway, I guess my eating assuaged her because she went to the other room to get her own plate. I used this opportunity to slip my potatos into my napkin, hide that in the couch cushions, and slip all of the bacon to my dog (that thing saves my freaking life), and slip the rest of the toast under my plate. I spread out some of I had a napkin in my lap, so I could fold it up and throw it out. I was going to eat the rest of the eggs, figuring that eggs were healthy, but then I remember that there was cheese in it, so I slipped most of it too my dog. I had to wait for her to go upstairs before I could reach into the couch cushions. I looked at the potatoes in the napkin, to see all of the food I DIDN'T eat, and threw out the toast and potatos. Yay! I ate about 1/4 of a cup of eggs, and 1/4 cup of potatos, and a quarter of the toast.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I should be doing my school work.
Hey hey hey. Today was an okay day. My friend brought a couple of cups of Maruchan instant lunch today. To make them less suspicious, I accepted a cup. I only sipped about half of the container of broth and a couple of ramen noodles. When they turned their back, I dumped the contents into garbage bin. When somebody commented on how quickly I had apparently eaten my noodles, I giggled and said "Yeah, I love these things! Yum!" That should throw them off the ana trail for awhile. Anyway, I ate nothing but that and an apple, a half of a sandwich, and some diet Dr. Pepper today.
I don't usually drink soda, but I felt a binge coming on, and I have discovered that Diet Dr. Pepper really helps get rid of a urge to binge. I feel like I'm indulging, when I'm really not consuming any calories. Also, there's somehting about the carbonation of it that just makes me not want to eat...anyway, that's my tip of the day! Bye bye!
I don't usually drink soda, but I felt a binge coming on, and I have discovered that Diet Dr. Pepper really helps get rid of a urge to binge. I feel like I'm indulging, when I'm really not consuming any calories. Also, there's somehting about the carbonation of it that just makes me not want to eat...anyway, that's my tip of the day! Bye bye!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
BINGE!
Ugh. I fucked up, again.
Today was my friends birthday, and what did she bring to school? Pizza. Of course.
I used to LOVE pizza. I would eat it whenever I was sad, or really happy, or whenever something good was happening. I ate it when my parents got divorced to comfort myself...that's how I ended up so fat.
Anyways, so now whenever I see it I just have all of these good feelings of happiness and comfort. And I was really stressed out today because of my ex and his fat girl friend, who I probably look like right now because I'm SUCH A FAILURE.
I ate SIX PIECES OF PIZZA. SIX!!!
Shit, I may as well have just commited suicide, because that's whats gonna happen if I keep putting away food like this. I don't know what happened...every body else was eating pizza, and the smells and the warmth was getting to me and I was so cold, and the pizza was sooo warm. I felt empty, and I needed to fill that up. What I didn't realize is that once the pizza was gone, I was going to feel like total shit again, except even WORSE.
The first slice went down, and I was so happy I wanted to dance, and then the second dissapeared, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth. By that time, I was sure everybody was staring at me, and I felt terrible. (Secretly, I was sort of smug because they don't know that I'm EDNOS, they just think I have a super fast metabolism. Theyre prob all jealous.)
Anyways, I'm going to go wallow in self pity. Maybs tomorrow will be better and I'll be able to make up for my horrible binge...I think I'll have to go to the gym to make up for this one....erch. Its what my fat-ass deserves, anyways.
Today was my friends birthday, and what did she bring to school? Pizza. Of course.
I used to LOVE pizza. I would eat it whenever I was sad, or really happy, or whenever something good was happening. I ate it when my parents got divorced to comfort myself...that's how I ended up so fat.
Anyways, so now whenever I see it I just have all of these good feelings of happiness and comfort. And I was really stressed out today because of my ex and his fat girl friend, who I probably look like right now because I'm SUCH A FAILURE.
I ate SIX PIECES OF PIZZA. SIX!!!
Shit, I may as well have just commited suicide, because that's whats gonna happen if I keep putting away food like this. I don't know what happened...every body else was eating pizza, and the smells and the warmth was getting to me and I was so cold, and the pizza was sooo warm. I felt empty, and I needed to fill that up. What I didn't realize is that once the pizza was gone, I was going to feel like total shit again, except even WORSE.
The first slice went down, and I was so happy I wanted to dance, and then the second dissapeared, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth. By that time, I was sure everybody was staring at me, and I felt terrible. (Secretly, I was sort of smug because they don't know that I'm EDNOS, they just think I have a super fast metabolism. Theyre prob all jealous.)
Anyways, I'm going to go wallow in self pity. Maybs tomorrow will be better and I'll be able to make up for my horrible binge...I think I'll have to go to the gym to make up for this one....erch. Its what my fat-ass deserves, anyways.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Heh. sorry I haven't updated in a while...my mom said something to me about my eating (ugh) so I had to keep things on the down low for a while.
Back on Sunday, I had a bit of a binge. Ech. But I stopped it. I was so proud of myself...but really, the only reason why it was stopped is because my mom made me go to afternoon church. Thank God! Other than that, though, I'm doing pretty great. I've been eating less than 500 calories everyday. T-riffic! Sorry, there's not much to say this time.
Back on Sunday, I had a bit of a binge. Ech. But I stopped it. I was so proud of myself...but really, the only reason why it was stopped is because my mom made me go to afternoon church. Thank God! Other than that, though, I'm doing pretty great. I've been eating less than 500 calories everyday. T-riffic! Sorry, there's not much to say this time.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
GREAT. FREAKIN'. DAY.
Today was GREAT. Yesterday was okay...I guess. I had some candy, and that sucked, but thank god I didn't eat too much of it. I started feeling really really ill after a couple of minutes. :D And I didn't even do it on purpose! Yay! I guess I'm just not used to sugar so my body's like, allergic to it now or something. Today, I had my grits, and a couple of apples. I went on a walk, too. Not much to report today.
Oh, yeah, and I was a fairy for halloween! Hehe. It was so much fun. It was the cutest costume ever! My friend was a bumble bee, and she was SO CUTE. She's like 110 lbs, so of course it looked way better on her than it would ever look on me...but someday, right? She's my thinspo right now. Right!
Oh, yeah, and I'm down to 126, everybody! :D I'm so happeeeee!
Oh, yeah, and I was a fairy for halloween! Hehe. It was so much fun. It was the cutest costume ever! My friend was a bumble bee, and she was SO CUTE. She's like 110 lbs, so of course it looked way better on her than it would ever look on me...but someday, right? She's my thinspo right now. Right!
Oh, yeah, and I'm down to 126, everybody! :D I'm so happeeeee!
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