Saturday, July 3, 2010

UGH i am so fat, but i'm back.

Ugh. i fucking hate my life. So, a couple of months ago my parents noticed i wasn't eating, and that i was getting really thin. He told my counselor at my school and they did this whole fucked up 'intervention' shit. I was like, fuck you guys. but my friends were all there and they were all 'we love you, please don't do this!" Whatever. i can see now that they were just jealous of how thin i was getting. I was nowhere near dying. i was still 115-117 lbs. Isn't that just how things are though, that all the people that 'love' you can't just let you be happy? Well anyways, back then i couldnt see that and i started crying because i actually thought they were worried about me. whateverrrrrrrrrr fuck that shit. so i start eating normally and i actually had like no problem with it, because i was 'healed' and i 'saw the light' and all that shit. well, a couple of days ago i stumbled across this saved in my 'bookmarks' and i started reading all the blogs- especially my ana idol, Jo! (congrats btw girl! i'm so happy for you!) who can still be with ana, even when she gains a little weight, and is still her friend- and i realized that i am so much happier being pro-ana instead of 'normal.' UGH. it makes me naschious (spelling? haha, lol) just thinking about how FAT i am! well fuck that. I am so much happier in my little ana sancuary with you guys. fuck the haters! i've started my ana again and i am so glad that i turned back to her! i love you, ana! I'll be on the blog more girls, don't worry!

6 comments:

  1. I know just how you feel. When my parents found my blog, it was a nightmare. I thought they were genuinely worried, but then i realized that it wasn't the ED they were upset about at all... It's rough, i know. And i understand that you feel unloved now, but you ARE loved here! I'm glad to have you back, hunny.
    I'm your ana idol?! Do you know how indescribably happy you just made me with those words? Thank you, darling.

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  2. It's frustrating isn't it? They say 115 is so bad and unhealty, yet people come off The Biggest Loser at like 110.

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