I should be doing my school work.

Hey hey hey. Today was an okay day. My friend brought a couple of cups of Maruchan instant lunch today. To make them less suspicious, I accepted a cup. I only sipped about half of the container of broth and a couple of ramen noodles. When they turned their back, I dumped the contents into garbage bin. When somebody commented on how quickly I had apparently eaten my noodles, I giggled and said "Yeah, I love these things! Yum!" That should throw them off the ana trail for awhile. Anyway, I ate nothing but that and an apple, a half of a sandwich, and some diet Dr. Pepper today.
I don't usually drink soda, but I felt a binge coming on, and I have discovered that Diet Dr. Pepper really helps get rid of a urge to binge. I feel like I'm indulging, when I'm really not consuming any calories. Also, there's somehting about the carbonation of it that just makes me not want to eat...anyway, that's my tip of the day! Bye bye!

BINGE!

Ugh. I fucked up, again.
Today was my friends birthday, and what did she bring to school? Pizza. Of course.
I used to LOVE pizza. I would eat it whenever I was sad, or really happy, or whenever something good was happening. I ate it when my parents got divorced to comfort myself...that's how I ended up so fat.
Anyways, so now whenever I see it I just have all of these good feelings of happiness and comfort. And I was really stressed out today because of my ex and his fat girl friend, who I probably look like right now because I'm SUCH A FAILURE.
I ate SIX PIECES OF PIZZA. SIX!!!
Shit, I may as well have just commited suicide, because that's whats gonna happen if I keep putting away food like this. I don't know what happened...every body else was eating pizza, and the smells and the warmth was getting to me and I was so cold, and the pizza was sooo warm. I felt empty, and I needed to fill that up. What I didn't realize is that once the pizza was gone, I was going to feel like total shit again, except even WORSE.
The first slice went down, and I was so happy I wanted to dance, and then the second dissapeared, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth. By that time, I was sure everybody was staring at me, and I felt terrible. (Secretly, I was sort of smug because they don't know that I'm EDNOS, they just think I have a super fast metabolism. Theyre prob all jealous.)
Anyways, I'm going to go wallow in self pity. Maybs tomorrow will be better and I'll be able to make up for my horrible binge...I think I'll have to go to the gym to make up for this one....erch. Its what my fat-ass deserves, anyways.

GREAT. FREAKIN'. DAY.

Today was GREAT. Yesterday was okay...I guess. I had some candy, and that sucked, but thank god I didn't eat too much of it. I started feeling really really ill after a couple of minutes. :D And I didn't even do it on purpose! Yay! I guess I'm just not used to sugar so my body's like, allergic to it now or something. Today, I had my grits, and a couple of apples. I went on a walk, too. Not much to report today.
Oh, yeah, and I was a fairy for halloween! Hehe. It was so much fun. It was the cutest costume ever! My friend was a bumble bee, and she was SO CUTE. She's like 110 lbs, so of course it looked way better on her than it would ever look on me...but someday, right? She's my thinspo right now. Right!
Oh, yeah, and I'm down to 126, everybody! :D I'm so happeeeee!

My Heart Belongs to Ana

Hello my skinny minis!
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I guess I haven't had much to say.
I found out yesterday that my ex hasn't even broken up with his current girlfriend yet. What the hell?! What am I, a side thing? Ugh! He is NOT worth my time OR my energy. I am dedicating myself to ana, full on, and putting boys on the side. You hear that? My heart belongs to ANA! And I know that she'll never leave me.
Fortunately, I couldn't eat after I heard this. I haven't eaten in a few days, xcept for the .5 apple I ate yesterday and today. Unfortunetly, tomorrow is you-know-what and my friend invited me over to her house. How am I going to hide my non-eating? Tips, any body?

Start of My Fast/Cleanse!

I'm staying home from school today...again. I was halfway through making my grits this morning, when I realized that it wouldn't truly be a fast unless I didn't let any solid food pass my lips. So threw out the dried grits and I used the water I was going to use to make coffee...unfortunately, I ran out of MY coffee, which has a natural vanilla flavor infused with it and only 5 calories, so I had to use my mothers coffee, which apparently has a natural shit flavor infused with it. I had to use creamer and splenda to make it taste alright...the creamer has 40 calories in it :C but the Splenda for Coffee that I use has 0 calories in it :D. So that brings my morning total up to 45 calories for breakfast.
Today, my uncle is taking all the furniture out of my house (which is really his house....) and so I have to take all the furniture from my old house and put it in this house. That'll be a nice change. And moving around will be a good way to burn some calories. In fact, I'm fairly sure that I already burned off the 45 calories I ate for breakfast.
Oh, yeah, got on the scale this morning and it read 128 lbs. still. I knew I wouldn't lose any because of my binge...maybe in a couple of days it'll read 127, or maybe even 126? Is that too much to ask for?

I am SO DISGUSTING.

Okay, okay, sorry. I haven't updated in a while AGAIN. ugh...I should just give up. I haven't binged in so long, and I was doing so well...I feel like just giving up and in, and becoming fat.
But in reality, I know I could never do it. I could never eat normally and be fat.
So about yesterday. I went to the movies, and all of my friends were FORCING popcorn and candy on me...seriously! I had to eat it. And I couldn't bring myself to go to the bathroom to throw it up with so many people around. Once I got home, I went crazy...I don't know what happened. I figured, I already fucked it up, I may as well just eat! The whole time, I was completely disgusted myself and wanted to slit my wrists, but at the same time, I wanted to eat. Maybe I was trying to eat myself to death. I ate Smores poptarts, cereal, sausages, and toast. God, I am so disgusting... I won't be surprised if I don't gain 10 lbs. and start getting my period again. Not to be gross, but I actually had a normal bathroom experience if you know what I mean. Ugh...well, good news is, I made up for it by starving myself today. I'm just now starting to get that empty feeling back again, that's how bad my binge was. Oh yeah, and I just got fired from my job. I don't want to work at a FUCKING PORKER FACTORY like McDonalds, anyways! Please tell me this isn't real.
*I've noticed on my blog that the times mess up...like, my blog says that I posted this at 5.51 pm. I fixxed it, tho.*
Oh, and there's a chick new to the blog world. Her screen name is Rachel Cullen and her blog name is Fattie McFatfat. I met her when I was in ISS a couple of weeks ago and noticed the red ribbon on her wrist and asked her about it.*

Grits, Not Oatmeal.

My muscles are STILL so freaking sore from my work out yesterday. I went to the 24 hour fitness place down my street (loves that place!) and worked my ass off...I saw the manager person looking at me funny after awhile, so I had to leave. I'm sure I worked off that cupcake and potato salad, though. So yeah. Oh, and all day today, I didn't eat a thing but my 100 calories of grits this morning. I know, I told you oatmeal the other day, but it's not oatmeal! It's grits. It's this Quakers stuff, and 1 packet of instant grits is 100 calories. I'm too lazy to measure out exactly 100 cals of oatmeal, I'm sorry! It's easier to just make grits. Anyways, I always add a shit-load of cinnamon to it to make it taste good. Oh crap- does cinnamon have calories?

First post.

Okay, so, hi. This is my first post, and if you can't tell, I'm a pro-ana girl. I've been ana since I was fourteen years old but just decided to start blogging to help support other ana's!
I'm currently about 129 lbs. :( But I was 142 lbs not to long ago so that's a big improvement. I'm still fat, though, but not as fat as I was. I eat like 500 calories a day most days but sometimes even less than that.
I like reading, writing, and of course, counting calories. I work at a McDonalds (ironic, I know, right?) and I'm a junior in high school. Anyway...it's time for me to catch my school bus lol.