BINGE!

Ugh. I fucked up, again.
Today was my friends birthday, and what did she bring to school? Pizza. Of course.
I used to LOVE pizza. I would eat it whenever I was sad, or really happy, or whenever something good was happening. I ate it when my parents got divorced to comfort myself...that's how I ended up so fat.
Anyways, so now whenever I see it I just have all of these good feelings of happiness and comfort. And I was really stressed out today because of my ex and his fat girl friend, who I probably look like right now because I'm SUCH A FAILURE.
I ate SIX PIECES OF PIZZA. SIX!!!
Shit, I may as well have just commited suicide, because that's whats gonna happen if I keep putting away food like this. I don't know what happened...every body else was eating pizza, and the smells and the warmth was getting to me and I was so cold, and the pizza was sooo warm. I felt empty, and I needed to fill that up. What I didn't realize is that once the pizza was gone, I was going to feel like total shit again, except even WORSE.
The first slice went down, and I was so happy I wanted to dance, and then the second dissapeared, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth, and the sixth. By that time, I was sure everybody was staring at me, and I felt terrible. (Secretly, I was sort of smug because they don't know that I'm EDNOS, they just think I have a super fast metabolism. Theyre prob all jealous.)
Anyways, I'm going to go wallow in self pity. Maybs tomorrow will be better and I'll be able to make up for my horrible binge...I think I'll have to go to the gym to make up for this one....erch. Its what my fat-ass deserves, anyways.

I am SO DISGUSTING.

Okay, okay, sorry. I haven't updated in a while AGAIN. ugh...I should just give up. I haven't binged in so long, and I was doing so well...I feel like just giving up and in, and becoming fat.
But in reality, I know I could never do it. I could never eat normally and be fat.
So about yesterday. I went to the movies, and all of my friends were FORCING popcorn and candy on me...seriously! I had to eat it. And I couldn't bring myself to go to the bathroom to throw it up with so many people around. Once I got home, I went crazy...I don't know what happened. I figured, I already fucked it up, I may as well just eat! The whole time, I was completely disgusted myself and wanted to slit my wrists, but at the same time, I wanted to eat. Maybe I was trying to eat myself to death. I ate Smores poptarts, cereal, sausages, and toast. God, I am so disgusting... I won't be surprised if I don't gain 10 lbs. and start getting my period again. Not to be gross, but I actually had a normal bathroom experience if you know what I mean. Ugh...well, good news is, I made up for it by starving myself today. I'm just now starting to get that empty feeling back again, that's how bad my binge was. Oh yeah, and I just got fired from my job. I don't want to work at a FUCKING PORKER FACTORY like McDonalds, anyways! Please tell me this isn't real.
*I've noticed on my blog that the times mess up...like, my blog says that I posted this at 5.51 pm. I fixxed it, tho.*
Oh, and there's a chick new to the blog world. Her screen name is Rachel Cullen and her blog name is Fattie McFatfat. I met her when I was in ISS a couple of weeks ago and noticed the red ribbon on her wrist and asked her about it.*

Dumb fat bitch.

Well, today was okay, fasting-wise. Other than that, though, my life is all fucked up. I just found out that my ex-boyfriend is dating some girl who is one of the fattest girls at the school. SERIOUSLY? I starved my ass off to be thin, and he dumps me for some heifer with no self control? Are you fucking kidding me? And that heifer came up to me in the hallway and accused me of flirting with her boyfriend. I was like, yeah, like I would ever flirt with a chubby chaser. Whatever, fat ass, go eat a cake or something.
I didn't actually say that but I thought it. lol. I'm surprised that her mouth was unoccupied long enough to get more than three words out. (Ew, that sounds so sexual. But yeah, she's a slut, too.)
Whatever. That guy had no idea what he had. I hope he gets smothered between his whores fat rolls.