Hey everybody. I don't know my weight because I'm afraid of getting on the scale. :( but i can't fit in my fave pants. I bet my 'friends'are real happy now that im FAT and can hardly wear my clothes. I fuckin hate them...but i can't tell them that, becaus then they'll know that i'm back with Ana. I've been drinking nothing but diet green tea and eating nothing but veggies for the last week...i woke up this morning feeling a binge coming on...I'm worried. :( I hope i can stay strong!

UGH i am so fat, but i'm back.

Ugh. i fucking hate my life. So, a couple of months ago my parents noticed i wasn't eating, and that i was getting really thin. He told my counselor at my school and they did this whole fucked up 'intervention' shit. I was like, fuck you guys. but my friends were all there and they were all 'we love you, please don't do this!" Whatever. i can see now that they were just jealous of how thin i was getting. I was nowhere near dying. i was still 115-117 lbs. Isn't that just how things are though, that all the people that 'love' you can't just let you be happy? Well anyways, back then i couldnt see that and i started crying because i actually thought they were worried about me. whateverrrrrrrrrr fuck that shit. so i start eating normally and i actually had like no problem with it, because i was 'healed' and i 'saw the light' and all that shit. well, a couple of days ago i stumbled across this saved in my 'bookmarks' and i started reading all the blogs- especially my ana idol, Jo! (congrats btw girl! i'm so happy for you!) who can still be with ana, even when she gains a little weight, and is still her friend- and i realized that i am so much happier being pro-ana instead of 'normal.' UGH. it makes me naschious (spelling? haha, lol) just thinking about how FAT i am! well fuck that. I am so much happier in my little ana sancuary with you guys. fuck the haters! i've started my ana again and i am so glad that i turned back to her! i love you, ana! I'll be on the blog more girls, don't worry!

My mom keeps grounding me.
What a bitch.
I've gained ten pounds and I want to die. I fucking hate myself. I want to eat but I don't want to be fat. I'm so hungry, but I am SO FAT! I can't eat until i get thin. Ana, please help.

121!!!!!!!!!!!

:D I just wanted everybody to know that even though I gained like 10 million lbs, I lost a lot too! I'm down to 121! Haha, I'm so happy, I weighed myself this morning. Actually I weigh 121.6 but still....Anyway, I haven't been eating, although I did need some inspiration the other day because my mom made dinner and I wanted to eat so badly, because I was so hungry. but I didn't eat it!
Stay strong, girls!

Turned my back on ana.

OMG! YOU GUYS!
I am like so glad to be back!
I was GROUNDED from the computer because I was failing classes...:( But I got my grades up so I can get back on! Yay! :D Anyway, the last few months have been total shit. I totally turned my back on Ana and ate soooo much. I gained 8 lbs. :( I am such a fat ass...I'm going back to ana, though, so it's all good! I'm so excited!

I haven't updated in forever; sorry.
Thanksgiving was fun. I think I may have eaten a bit too much, but it wasn't a total failure.
I binged once since I last updated, but I've been mostly fasting. I'm sorry that I don't have a lot to say, but I'm tired.

THANKSGIVING.

Thursday is Thanksgiving, and Friday is the day I hate myself.
Oh, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving. All of the food...it's TEEMING with binge-potential. The comfort of the food get's the best of even the most strong willed people. I hope we can all remember our goal through the holidays. Remember, remember! You don't NEED the food. It only makes you fat. Right now, in front of me, I have a big bowl of pecans and walnuts....am I going to eat them? NO. I swear to god, I won't even it one. Tomorrow...well...I'm not going to kid myself and say that I won't lose control. I WILL TRY AS HARD AS I CAN. I swear to god. I'm planning on staying up almost all night tonight, so my want to sleep will be more powerful than my want to eat. I hope I can resist the urge to binge. I'm getting better....I had two girlfriends over the other night, and guess what my mom ordered for us?
PIZZA!
And guess how many pieces I ate?
ONE!
Okay...admittedly, that is still way to much. But, It is SO much better than six. And all I had that day was one 100 cal bowl of grits and an apple, so my daily calorie count wasn't TOO high.
Okay. You guys, stay strong. I'll see you out on the other side of tomorrow.